How ironical it is that we get up and motivate ourself when we don't meet our expectations, but go crazy, depressed and angry when others don’t meet our expectations.
And at times, when they do meet our expectations, we don’t feel much happier and the usual term used is, “I expected it that way!”. How simple and beautiful like would be if we could just stop expecting things and save ourselves from the suffering and unhappiness.
Why do we expect? This is one important question, one should be able to answer to avoid expecting and getting hurt over and over again. The answer is quite simple, we expect because we believe that people will do what they say they will do - We expect people to keep their word.
Now, instead of writing about why we expect and other shit things about expectations, I will directly come to the point on how we can control our expectations and live much more happily.
- Know what you want.
- Accept yourself as you are.
- Be specific with your objectives, what you want from people and your life. In short, set your priorities straight.
- Directly ask the person you are expecting from about what you want and make sure that you get the answer in either ‘YES’ or ‘NO’.
- Develop the art of reading feelings, both self and of others. It helps us to decide or find what we actually need and will we get that or not.
I don’t know if these things will help you or not; no one can but all we can do is give it a try. At-least is is better than sitting and wasting any more of your time waiting, hoping, and expecting. I am trying this and it is helping me. So there is a chance that it might help you too. J
Be happy, keep smiling and stop expecting.
One popular saying that’s always struck me as particularly stupid and harmful is, “People don’t change.” Although everyone has ingrained personality traits, we aren't held captive by them. Believing that we can’t encourage ourselves to accept our weaknesses. How many people with substance problems claim they aren't capable of stopping? It’s much easier to continue a harmful behavior when responsibility is placed on an outside force like genetics or an “addictive personality”.
Saying people can’t change is the same as saying people can’t learn.When you learn something new that knowledge fundamentally changes you. Each piece of information adds to your personal database, creating additional resources to draw on when interacting with the outside world. We face the same temptations to engage in negative behavior, but we also build a body of experience that tells us the reward isn't worth the penalty.
In a sense we’re always changing and always staying the same. When I compare my self of today with my self from a few years ago, I observe that I’m the same but more. I’m the same in how I think and process information but experience has changed the way I interpret everything. Every day adds a new layer of character.
"We should anticipate aging with optimism rather than dread. As we grow old the beauty steals inward (Emerson)."
The saying “people don’t change” is harmful because it denies the possibility of redemption. There is something profound about the redeemed. The man who’s experienced the lowest rung of existence and conquered his personal demons has an empathy that’s lacking in more saintly people. In a society supposedly built on the doctrine of forgiveness, it’s remarkable how eager we are to label people as permanent degenerates. Circumstances and hardship leads many good people to do foolish things. To say those mistakes are irredeemable is hypocritical. If the world considered only your most depraved moments, how would you be judged?
People do change. We make every decision for the first time with no obligation to the past. If we control anything, we control our own thoughts and behavior. If can improve anything, it should be ourselves.